


Never Knew What I Was Missing

by blueoleandar93



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Emotionally Hurt Dean Winchester, Episode Fix-It: s15e20 Carry On, First Kiss, Heaven, M/M, Summoning, Winged Castiel (Supernatural)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-13 04:49:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28772634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueoleandar93/pseuds/blueoleandar93
Summary: Dean’s guardian angel finds out he’s dead through a mutual friend. Cas flies off to confront him about his own murder.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 3
Kudos: 78





	Never Knew What I Was Missing

Castiel cannot stop saying: “I love you”.

When Jack resurrects him from the Empty, Cas grips his jacket and says, “Thank you, son, I love you.”

When he rebuilds heaven, he looks at every soul entrusted to his care and says quietly, “You’ll be safe with me, I promise. I love you.”

When he finishes fixing up the Roadhouse just how Bobby likes it, Cas punches his shoulder playfully. “It had to be perfect. You showed me unconditional kindness when I first landed on earth. You fed me and kept me warm even though you hunted angels. You raised Dean. I love you.”

When Bobby tells him he just saw Dean come through Heaven an hour ago, Cas stops in his tracks. “Dean is in Heaven? Already? Dammit, where?”

“Here.” Bobby said casually, pointing to the open road. “Drove off to see his folks. He’s a few miles up the road.”

“I stop functioning as his guardian angel for two weeks and he’s already gotten himself killed…” Cas turns a shoulder to bobby, wings unfurling from his back and bursting out of his trenchcoat. “I’ll be back.”

Bobby waved from his seat on the porch, lifting a half emptied bottle of beer in salutation. “Give him a kiss for me.”

Cas blushed at the idea, ruffling his feathers. “I’m gonna throw that insolent human into a brick wall.”

Bobby started to laugh. “Watch out, now son, he might like that.”

The angel before him bent at the knee and soared upward. Castiel spun in the air in a corkscrew, nestling into the air pockets in the sky. His wings stretched out and he hovered above Heaven, looking for the love of his life. He looked everywhere. Bobby was kind, but Cas is positive that Dean didn’t immediately go to see his parents. He wouldn’t. Not right away. There’s too much baggage between them, so Dean will have to work himself up to it. Cas knows him too well.

So, where did he go?

He tuned his ears to the hum of the Impala, looking for that familiar rumble of a vintage engine turning over. He found Dean near an old abandoned barn. Dean had just parked the car, pushing his way out of the heavy metal door and slamming it shut. The hunter stomped across the dirt path toward the barn, a frown on his face with his eyebrows turned down menacingly. Oh, boy. He’s in a mood. Cas sighed and prepared himself to hear it all before soaring back down to the grass quietly.

The barn door slammed closed behind Dean and in moments Castiel heard the sound of furniture breaking. As Castiel walked across the dirt road and grassy land in front of the barn, wood splintered behind the door. He’s punching stuff again. Cas shook his head. Dean will need some grace for all those potential injuries. Cas has plenty to spare.

The angel took a deep breath and opened the door.

Dean looked up at the barn door, bloodied hands on a broken table as he stopped painting a sigil on the wood with his fingers. The tension in his brows relaxed and his face brightened with a grin. “Hey. Heard you were around.”

Cas gave Dean a firm look as the doors closed behind him. He kept walking toward Dean, large black wings dragging on the dirty barn floor.

“I was trying to summon you, but looks like you were already on your way.”

Castiel raised a hand and moved the table out of the way with his grace. It slid across the floor, legs scraping loudly.

Dean jumped, watching the table he broke soar across the floor by itself. “Whoa. You got a charge up.”

Castiel approached him, standing just a few inches away from the human. His eyes had less crinkle around the corners and his freckles were bright. That dirty blond hair was healthy and his pale skin gave off a youthful dewy glow. Cas remembers when Dean looked like that. He really was dead. “Who killed you?”

Dean replied. “Vamp. I know I didn’t walk away the fight with my life or whatever, but you should see the other guy.”

Cas lowered his chin. “You’re so young.”

Dean rubbed his chin and winked. “Hell yeah, I’m thirty, flirty, and thriving. Jesus gave me a divine face peel at the pearly gates. Perks of hanging out upstairs.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

Dean looked back at him, dropping the bravado. “Yeah, buddy, I know. Didn’t really make it to my Golden Girls years. In the back of my mind, I always knew Betty White would outlive me.”

Cas continued, “I thought you were going to have more time. Hoped maybe I’d meet your first born. Your boss. Your primary care physician. Your wife.”

“Sure, my life didn’t technically shake out like that, but… well, you already met my first born. You raised him with me. He’s God. So, I’d say we did pretty good.”

Castiel began to laugh. “We did.”

“Nobody will **_ever_** be the boss of me, so you’re not meeting him. And Sam’s the most qualified field medic I know. Patched us both up more than a few times. Saved my life actually. Yours too.” Dean smirked, pulling Cas softly by the coat collar. “And if I could marry anyone…”

Castiel nodded, “Ginger from Gilligan’s Island.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “… ** _if I could marry anyone,_** he would be six feet of angel muscle with no refractory period and the inability to sleep. Know anybody like that?”

“Yes.” Castiel bashfully looked at his feet. “I’ll call Hannah.”

“Dammit, Cas.”

“What?”

“I love you too!” Dean confessed loudly, throwing his hands around. “I love you more than anything. And if you think you’re gonna drop romance on me and then bounce with no consequences, then you don’t know me at all. You’re the love of my fucking life, Cas! You were never gonna meet my wife! I didn’t want one! I had you!”

Cas blinked back, shocked.

“I lived with you. I fought with you. I killed for you. I raised your kid like he was mine, because if he’s yours… then, he’s _ours_. God, Cas, looking at my son and seeing you in him was everything I ever needed.” Dean stared back into his angel’s eyes. “I let you in. Just you. And I never wanted to let you out.” Dean continued bashfully. “I was desperate to kiss you. I wanted you. So bad. But I wasn’t sure… I didn’t know what you wanted from me. I couldn’t live with myself if I hurt you again; if you left me again.”

Cas looked back at Dean. “I left anyway.”

Dean pushed his shoulder fondly. “Yeah, I know. So, I came to see ya.”

Cas felt a tear fall down his cheek. The angel started to cry.

“Hey, hey. No. None of that. I’m here now. Okay?” Dean wiped the tears from his angel’s cheeks. “And, I know you don’t want me up here right now, but you can’t send me back, so you’re just gonna have to deal with that.”

“Fine.”

Dean looked back, surprised. “Fine?”

“Yeah.”

“Wow. So you’re actually gonna deal with me being dead? No ultimatums, or whining, or shoving me into a pine box six feet under like you did last time?”

“Yes. This is me, dealing with it.” Cas stepped into Dean’s space and kissed his lips softly. Dean smiled into the kiss, feeling Cas’s hands on his jaw, pulling him in for a moment of warm affection. Cas’s blue eyes stared back at him. “You’re the love of my life, Dean Winchester. And you’re an absolute fool for throwing everything away for me.”

Dean grinned back at him. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Good.” Dean buried his face into Cas’s coat, finally at peace with the one he loves. “We’ll be fools together.”

Castiel held him close. “Forever.”


End file.
